On my mind before I wake is Please, let me lie here for ten more minutes, before I have to get up and face the world which chews me up everyday and spits me back into my house of horrors each night like an anguished piece of gum. I can't bear to face the stares of the fellow students at school, the rejection of my former friends, the dissapointed glares of my teachers after assignment after assignment is marked tardy. I can't bear to go home, where my mom isn' t home and my little brother cries because his parents have officially split. The sound of his cries split my silent ears like a razor to the wrist. I can't stand going away, leaving my brother alone to cry alone. I don't want him to see me break down like last time. Seeing me cry only makes him cry harder. I want to sit and hold him and comfort him and be a good sister, but I don't know how to do that, without giving him the reality that mom isn't there to do so. I don' want to end up like so many of my "friends" who take care of their younger siblings because their parents are deadbeats. I want to be a joyous teenage with happy mother and a care-free nine-year old brother. But, that isn't going to happen. Today, I must stand up and take initiative. Jakobs older brother is ging to stay back in Milwaukee with his and Jakobs father, and I know Jake is ging to cry again. I just don't want to show him that I am so weak. He looks up to me. I know I should set a better example for him but somehow it always seems to backfire. Today, I will try to help him through what might be one of the toughest times of his young life. I will try to be a good sister ans he cries. When Justin steps into the car on his way to the bus station, I will hold my younger brother as he cries. I will try to avoid his sight of the scars on my wrists, becasue they scare him and I know that right now that is the last thing the poor kid needs.
I will.
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