But there's so many different feelings I have for you. Yes, I love you.
But I don't trust you. Why do you keep lying to me? Why do you keep cheating on me?
And most importantly...Why do you look at me and tell me you love me? Why do you know exactly what to say when I'm having a bad day? Why do you have to make it so I can't stop loving you no matter how much I want to. It's painful. It's stupid. And I don't wanna do it anymore. I don't wanna be in love with you anymore. I don't want to HAVE to answer your texts or your phone calls. I don't wanna have to talk to you everyday.
I don't wanna lay in bed and think about you all day. I don't want you to know exactly what I like. I don't want to be with you. I don't wanna be in love with you anymore. I don't.
But I have to.
We stopped talking for two days. Those two days I laid in bed and cried all day. I couldn't eat, sleep, get up, shower...Anything. I hate it. I was fine before I met you. Now, I HAVE to have you. I have to see you. I have to love you. Cuz if I don't...I cease to exist. I'm all alone. I have nothing. The only thing I have is the memories of waking up and looking over at you, your smiling face. Listening to your soft, steady breathing. Waiting for you to wake up and start tickling me. The way you make me laugh. The way you always know how to make me smile, regardless of how much I want to.
Today is 11/11/11.
Tonight at 11:11, I'll wish that when it comes time for this happiness to end, I'll be able to get over you and leave my broken heart behind. I wish to leave my love behind in this small town and move on and have the potential to be happy. I wish to be able to raise our child to the best of my abilities.
I hope to god that this baby doesn't look exactly like you. I hope when it comes time to part, I'll be able to look at this beautiful baby and smile and keep my composure. I want to be able to get over you when the time comes. I wish...
I wish you could be honest. I wish you could keep your word. I wish you could love me forever, that way when it comes time for us to part and I can't get over you, you won't be able to get over me either. I know that's not going to happen though.
You don't cheat and lie when you love someone. You don't look at other people the way you look at the one you love.
I'm sorry.
But all in all,
I don't wanna love you anymore.
